At one time or another, we have all carried the burden of shame. Guilt is when we feel badly for something we have done; shame is when we feel badly about who we are. It’s the difference between “What I said to you was wrong and I regret it” and “I am a horrible person who doesn’t deserve your love.”
Guilt and shame can go hand in hand, but one leads to repentance and the other to depression and discouragement. While it’s important to recognize where we’ve gone wrong and make things right, it’s not good to let our past mistakes define us. Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about how to overcome shame.
1. Recognize the source of your shame
Understanding its root cause is important for overcoming shame. There might be more than one! Think about where your shame comes from:
Is it rooted in past mistakes or regrets?
It’s easy to get down on yourself because of poor choices, particularly when those choices have hurt people you care about. It helps to remember that no one but Christ ever lived a blameless life (Romans 3:23). God knows all about human weakness. He knows we can’t be strong apart from him!
Was it something someone said to you, maybe again and again?
Sometimes the people we look to for support and acceptance don’t provide it. If someone called you names or said cruel things, it might become ingrained. You can end up internalizing their negativity, but that’s not the way God views you at all.
Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard?
While it’s noble to work hard and set goals, it’s important to remember that you’re only human. You won’t ever be perfect, but God will help you accomplish his will for your life. As Paul notes, “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).
2. Replace lies with truth
God loves you endlessly. He actually delights in you! And we know this because of some key truths in the Bible:
No matter what you have done, God will forgive you. You are not defined by your sins. Anyone "who belongs to Christ has become a new person." (2 Corinthians 5:17) None of us were good enough until Jesus stepped in, but through him we have a fresh start.
No matter what people have told you or what you have gone through, you have been masterfully created with a purpose. "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10).
No matter how much you’ve let yourself down, there is a God who will never let you down. “The LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
3. Confess and seek forgiveness
Lies can echo loudly in our minds. Drown out the noise by affirming your identity in Christ. It helps to write down Bible verses that remind you who God says you are.
You may have heard that everyone has a chapter of their lives they don’t read out loud. While it’s true that everyone sins, it’s equally true that confessing our sins will set us free of them.
You may have been raised with the idea of a vengeful God, always waiting for you to slip up so he could send you to hell. This is not who the Bible says God is. He is merciful and will forgive you. So don’t hold it in! Confess your past mistakes to God in prayer, and watch as he redeems and transforms you.
"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9
4. Let Go of Perfectionism
Some of us are strivers. We grew up feeling like we needed to earn love, like attention and acceptance were contingent upon our accomplishments. It’s easy to see how this leads to perfectionism, but expecting perfection of yourself will inevitably lead to discouragement.
Shame thrives when we feel like we’re never good enough. Thankfully, we don’t have to rely on our own “goodness;” we are made right with God by faith. “God saved you by his grace when you believed” (Ephesians 2:8). Not when you did enough good things. Not when you went to church enough times. God’s grace frees us from a perfectionist mindset.
You are a work in progress, and that’s okay! God meets us where we are and molds us into people who can accomplish his will for our lives. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6).
5. Stop Letting Shame Define You
Have you ever prayed, “God I know that you have forgiven me, but how can I ever forgive myself?” If you have, you’re not alone. Shame is the voice in your ear that never stops reminding you of old failures and your shortcomings.
Although shame tries to convince you otherwise, you are a product of your past, not a prisoner! You are not your past—you are who God says you are! Romans 6:6 declares that “our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives.”
So instead of looking back, move boldly into your future! Shift your focus from who you were to who God is making you to be. Instead of condemnation, remind yourself of what God says about you and speak life-giving words over yourself:
- "My past does not define me."
6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
When we feel badly about ourselves, we tend to hide. But real healing happens in community. That’s because being honest with others helps break the power of shame. As we open up about our struggles to others, we find out that they too have struggled. Instead of judgment, we find empathy and support.
So find a place where you can share your struggles, whether with a trusted friend, mentor, or a Group. And remember, there might be someone out there who needs to share their burden with you!
7. Walk in Freedom and Forgiveness
We can’t look behind and ahead at the same time. Believe Jesus when he says you are forgiven, and choose to fix your eyes on tomorrow rather than yesterday.
The Bible is filled with examples of people who were freed from their shame and went onto do amazing things for the kingdom of God. Moses killed an Egyptian, David committed adultery, Peter denied Christ, and Paul killed Christians. It’s hard to imagine a world where these men never moved beyond their shame and into their destinies.
God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. What he has done for others, he can do for you. Only when you embrace the freedom his grace provides can you move into the amazing future God has planned.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:18-19
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Ready to let go of shame? Start today by silencing the 3 biggest lies it’s trying to tell you.
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LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!